Break free from the destructive cycle of negative self-talk and boldly move forward with these practical steps to change your mindset.
Our minds can sometimes lead us astray when thoughts are entangled in shame and negative thinking. Questions swirl around, threatening to pull us into a dark cloud of destructive self-talk: Why do I always do that? Why can’t I change my mindset? Why do I have these doubts? What if I’m the only one who thinks this way?
This kind of thinking hinders our ability to fully live in the identity and purpose instilled in us by our Creator. It takes up valuable brain space and physical and emotional energy that we desperately need for constructive work. Therefore, breaking free from the vortex of self-doubt and shame is crucial and begins with renewing our minds.
Recognize the Power of Mindset
Not long ago, I drove home from an appointment with an administrator where we had discussed my new role as a board member. As I replayed the conversation in my mind, I wanted to smack my forehead on the steering wheel. Small talk is already awkward for me, and when it comes along with official questions about topics such as my long-range vision, I start to babble while attempting to pull thoughts together.
Where was the undo button? A rewind or delete key would have been nice too. Was I as incoherent as I felt in hindsight? I didn’t know. However, the key was whether I’d allow it to sink my mind into a pit of insecurity.
Beware of Mindset Traps
We all struggle with different lures for our thoughts. Perhaps you’ve fallen into one of these mindset traps:
- Negative thinking
- Limiting beliefs
- Fixed mindset
- Self-doubt
- Skepticism
- Fear
- Comparison
- Insecurity
- Dwelling on the past
They might seem like little thoughts. However, like a ship’s rudder, they steer the whole vessel. Moments of questioning, revisiting the past, or pondering our flaws and limitations influence the next steps. Those beliefs shape our actions, behaviors and attitudes. We have two choices. First, holding on to destructive thinking. However, this limits us from experiencing the fullness of God’s purpose for our lives. Alternatively, we can take deliberate actions to step out of those mindset traps, releasing us into something even better—a more resilient version of ourselves and a more robust framework for faith.
For a long time, I believed questions and doubts were a problem to be shoved out of sight. Something to be ashamed of. However, I now realize they are an essential part of renewing our minds. They are rungs on the ladder that lead out of the vortex. Let’s consider six rungs that give us footing to escape spiraling thoughts.
Six Steps to Climb Out and Change Your Mindset
- Acknowledge your feelings. Sometimes, we can’t identify what we’re really feeling. Is it shame, doubt or worry? Perhaps it’s sadness or a sense of loss. Sometimes, the questions stem from past negative patterns or unhealthy methods of handling emotions. On the drive home from the meeting, I doubted my abilities and questioned whether I’d heard God correctly when I sensed him nudging me to step into a new role. It’s helpful to identify our feelings and then balance them with truth. Try on these examples:
- I feel worthless, but I know God says I matter.
- I feel unqualified, but I have specific skills for this.
- I’m sad, and it’s OK to honor that grief.
- My worry says this will be a disaster, but my heart and head say God will help me.
- Refill your thoughts with God and his Word. I remember an old fable about a donkey getting out of a pit by filling it with dirt, bit by bit. If we don’t fill the void with something, the negative thoughts have nowhere to go. And on our own, we can’t think enough positive thoughts to change our mindset. Dislodge that destructive thinking by filling your mind with truth through candid conversations with God in prayer along with insights from Scripture. Resources found in daily inspiration from Devoutly are also helpful for filling your mind with the promises, truths, and teachings of Scripture.
- Tune out the voices that shame and say “should.” Shame or criticism from others when we’re already struggling with negative self-beliefs leads to increased self-doubt, more questions and even isolation. And we surely don’t need empty platitudes or fake empathy either. Setting boundaries and advocating for your needs might sound scary or even rude. However, protecting and honoring the intrinsic value God has instilled in you is empowering. And when you tune out those voices and limit your exposure to unhealthy situations, it’s easier to hear and apply the truth.
- Align with others who uplift you. Counselors, friends, and others who care about you have tools, strategies and encouraging words. Look for people who support, uplift and pray for you. Let others know you need someone who has your back as you work on transforming your mindset. You deserve kindness and understanding.
- Focus on the blessings. I don’t journal, but many people keep a gratitude journal. Instead, I use my phone to take pictures of things that fill my mind with thankful thoughts. You do you. Perhaps you enjoy walking, expressing yourself through art, or putting notes in a jar. Make a habit of talking to God throughout the day to let him know you appreciate Him for who He is and how He has blessed you. Pause frequently to be intentionally grateful for opportunities, supportive relationships, things that go well and moments that delight you.
- Walk boldly forward. Don’t shrink back. When my thoughts spiraled after the conversation with an administrator, I started to feel small. Quitting even sounded appealing, but that wasn’t on the table. Instead, I thanked God for the opportunity and asked Him to help me hold my head high and move forward. We don’t need to wait to feel fully confident to make progress. Instead, trust God’s purposes and walk boldly, celebrating progress as you go.
I’m terrified of heights and don’t love climbing ladders or mountains. But occasionally, I push myself and then get the courage to look at how far I’ve come. Likewise, it’s empowering to see your mindset progress. If you never look at the rungs you’ve climbed, you’ll never realize just how much your mindset has changed.
Step into the Wonder of Resilience
As we repeatedly practice climbing this ladder out of a mindset vortex, the practices become part of our habits. Additionally, we begin to notice that resilience includes not only rising above but rising stronger and wiser each time. Every time we lean into God’s promises and challenge a negative mindset, we fortify our faith in His power and purpose for our lives.
Change starts with recognizing what mindset keeps you from living your true identity and purpose. This is your invitation to begin changing your mindset into an outlook grounded in truth, gratitude and boldness. So, what thoughts have been swirling around in your mind lately? You might be surprised by how great the view looks from the top of the ladder.
